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Omega

Die gracefully. Living your last days by taking out your frustration and stress on others will only make them glad when you're gone.

I remember a conversation with one of my customers who is a government worker for the City of Los Angeles, and this person told me how their office has a big lot full of brand new cars that were purchased by the government for official use. But the thing was that the majority of these vehicles will never even be used once and sit on the lot collecting dust, everyday losing value. These cars will then be tossed a few years later, and a new set of cars will be purchased, again for official "use."

Rinse. Repeat.

This is how government spends money. Government, by its nature, will be inefficient. Why give money to an open-ended pocket?

philip: hey, just in case if i die, make sure i'm cremated man
philip: don't waste land
johnny: lol
johnny: why can't you just tell your g/f that
johnny: or like tell your mom
johnny: i don't want to have to tell your mom "no, philip told me on aim he wants to be cremated"
philip: ahahha
johnny: lol

IN FACT, YOU ALL SHOULD ROLL UP MY ASHES INTO A JOINT AND SMOKE ME. HAVE A NICE DAY.

I was once driving along Columbus Street on a hot afternoon to pick up my lunch, and while waiting at a red light, there was this Black guy around his early 20's riding around the intersection on a bicycle, flashing gang signs, and mad-dogging random innocent people on the sidewalk...

Then a Cadillac rolls by, stops, and 3 or 4 bald-headed Hispanic kids, who literally couldn't be more than 15 years old, hopped out and beat the shit out of the Black dude...

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."

I've been looking for an old fashioned barber shop for a while... you know, the kind where they all know your name, do shaves with a straight razor and hot lather, and you pay just 5 cents as you walk out the door, straighten out your mustache, and put on your top hat and coat.

I went to one today that was kinda close... there were men getting a haircut or getting a shave, chit-chatting about this and that, reading the paper, whatever. As I was waiting for my turn, I noticed an elderly man who was getting a haircut. He had a sharp look in his eyes and seriously looked like John Wayne. A Marine in full uniform walked in for a haircut and unknowingly caught the elderly man's eye for a moment. The old man didn't look twice, and he gave a stern nod to himself in reflection as the Marine took a seat at the other end of the shop.

As he was wrapping up his haircut, the old man said, "Joe, I'd like to pay for that Marine's haircut." He paid, thanked his barber, and left... never giving another look or saying another word.

She said, "If God made women have a constant, never ending menstruation throughout their whole lives, I think there would be a lot more suicides."

I said, "Yeah... MALE suicides."

The New York Philharmonic performed in Pyongyang, North Korea the other day. This is the first time an American orchestra had ever performed in the "hermit state." Lorin Maazel conducted with inspiring passion. On the news, I saw the North Korean audience members in tears as the Philharmonic performed "Arirang" for their encore. Members of the orchestra were reportedly also in tears.

Can music change.

Music can change.

North Korea has now invited Eric Clapton to perform, and it is said he might perform in the DPRK in 2009. Rock music is banned in North Korea.

Philip Choi has offered to perform in North Korea, but they haven't returned his calls yet.

My great friends Chris and Johnny had a clothing company called Accentuate, and some of their designs were inspired, they say, by my blog entries here at pc.com. Their designs were pretty damn beautiful, but because of the craziness that is the fashion business, their company was not the success they planned for. Chris and Johnny, now with the lovely Khue, have rebuilt Accentuate...

Reincarnated as Verum, they have a new line being released this year. Check them out.

"Verum is real. Verum is human. Verum is overlooked subtleties, gutful whispers, unnoticed moments, captured. Verum is a clothing company."

Check it out... my brother Cranky was featured as "Scariest Myspace User of the Month" in Australia's Ralph magazine! Totally random... he had no idea until some random girl told him online that she saw him in this magazine...

I saw Cranky tonight at this small nightclub... he was sitting at a table with a laptop, typing in some crazy ass codes, making some kind of computer program or something... hahaha...

Namdaemun, aka Sungryemun, one of the 4 gates that allowed entry into the walled city of Seoul in Korea's past, now a major Korean historical landmark, was burned the other day. The entire upper half was destroyed. Arson is suspected.

Watching the footage on TV, I could imagine how the Korean citizens must have felt watching those huge 600 year old wooden beams falling to the ground.

Thinking about Namdaemun made me think about my birth and childhood as a rich boy from Gangnam gu...

We humans are so desperate to hold onto the past. We hold and we hold... But the old has gone.

All we have and all we are is now.

I'm probably often misunderstood.

I actually think that is one of my greatest fears... that I might never be truly and fully understood.

I heard that there were some doubts about my loyalty in the past. Maybe you believed that I ran. My deepest apologies and my deepest fucking regrets if I ever disappointed you. But you're wrong if you ever thought I wouldn't give my soul for you. I was never scared.

Times change and people change, but I sometimes wish something would happen just so I can prove your doubts wrong. You have no idea how much I regret that I made you doubt me.

Right or wrong, I honor all oaths. Ours is in blood.

The 5 and the 6. South Park and the rest.

CHINGU YAH.

Chingu yah...

Here's my problem: I always want to begin with a bang. That's why this site's been dead for the past two years, and that's why you haven't heard any new music from me for like the past five.

You're only as good as what you've accomplished. History won't remember you for your hopes and dreams. I look back and I haven't accomplished nearly as much as I know I'm good for. People often tell me they respect me... Damn... for what? I'm a fucking fraud.

I stopped seriously blogging two or so years ago because I was mad depressed and I wanted to die. Since then, I read and learned a lot, thought deeply about shit, and wrestled with my demons and with myself. I couldn't possibly tell you everything I felt, experienced, realized, and whatever during this time all on one blog entry, but basically, I don't know, man... life is a fucking trip... but it ain't so bad sometimes.

Here I am in my gotta-be-perfect mode again as I'm writing this... thinking and changing, typing and retyping...

I was hoping this entry would turn out to be the inspiration piece of the century, but in the spirit of breaking old habits, let me just say whatever and cut this shit short.

You'll be hearing more from me... I don't want to become that old man who dreamed but never did.

Crude as I am... here I am again... one step at a time.

Fuck you. Get the fuck out of my life. Leave me the fuck alone.

I never wanted you. Fuck you.

There's a warrant out for my arrest.

They say all good things come to an end.

I've been wondering lately if that will be true.

You keep this...

After a long, hard day... a drink to take the edge off... Just to take the edge off.

Sometimes, life seems to give just one bad thing after another.

Yet, I found a simple peace tonight in hearing good news about my friends' business, and hearing about a possible relationship between two friends.

I held an old man's hand today and let him know that I respect him.


You may think that I'm not... but I am...

I am thinking about you.

I read an article titled "The 21st Century Asian Americans" by the Vice President of the 80-20 Initiative, some kind of Asian American activist group, I suppose. She was talking about the need for more Asian representation (proprotionate to the amount of Asians in the general American population) in the fields of law and business and whatever, and the need for the Asian youngsters to look beyond their own needs and heed the call of the AZNZ.

My thoughts:

- We need a proportionate amount of Asian judges as there are Asians in the general population? But I thought judges were supposed to be unbiased?? It's racist, and practical.

- I don't like it when people say "we labored hard to build this nation." Are you communist or something? Asians, unless they were refugees, came to America for one reason and one reason only: TO MAKE MONEY. I find it funny that supporters of Hispanic illegal immigrant rights say the same thing... "we labored hard to build this nation." Yeah, so Jose and Carlos are jumping the border thinking, "Yes! Let's help America!"??? It's just not true... there's nothing wrong with coming to make money... and America will probably benefit as a result of their labor... but let's not tell fairy tales about their intentions.

- I always thought the reason why Asians haven't cared much for American politics is because we're the descendants of people who came here for money. We just don't have it in our blood. Look back at our home countries... people are protesting and shit every single day about something. But those type of people weren't our parents. They're not the ones immigrating here. Asian America are the descendants of mostly middle class, suburban type blood. We're not about sticking it to the Man... we're about stability, security, prosperity...

- I don't really consider myself an "Asian." I don't know what that is... How much do I have in common with a Vietnamese, a Chinese, or a Polynesian? I respect and enjoy each of these cultures, but I don't feel that my culture/history/political and economic needs are common enough with theirs to be categorized together as Mexicans are with Salvadorans. I might call myself an Asian for simplicity's sake, but only that. I'm not Asian, I'm Korean... (eh, but who even knows what THAT is...).

- best quote from the article: "If history is a guide, success in the economic arena alone has never proved to be a safeguard against discriminations and greater calamities in times of stress."


Don't take my thoughts too seriously... I realize the need for more Asian representation in America. And of course I support it and wish it well. But I also realize that this is all due to the fact that we're a racist people living in a racist world. Humans are an intriguing kind.

It would be nice if I could feel fairly and adequately represented by a White man or a Black woman or whatever.

Unkle.

Su go het da. Be strong and healthy. Listen to your parents. Be good to your younger cousins.

It took a lot of time, work, and bullshit, but philipchoi.com is back. I ran into some problems with an irresponsible domain registrar, and the site was shut down. Gave my business to a new registrar, and now we're good.

Thank God my hosting service never let me down. MEDIUMCUBE, you are the best.

In short time, there will be some changes around here, but for now, here's the old shit for you to enjoy.

Meanwhile, life is becoming straighter. My mind and body are both becoming stronger. I have come to many answers, but now, I've more questions than ever.

Be grateful. Be humble. Live life, love life.

FUCK REGISTERFLY.COM.

It's been about a year since I brought this site back, but lately, I've been slow with the posts again. No, I'm not going through life-fucking torment like last time... and no, this site isn't going dead.

Philip Choi is alive and well. I'm doing my damn thAng. Taking care of business and trying to iron my life out. I promised a new EP by the beginning of this year and I didn't deliver. I'm truly ashamed of that, but I hope you all (all 5) understand that I have other priorities right now. But I also realize that if I continue to keep postponing my music releases and not getting shit done, I'm fast on the road to becoming a has-been (have I ever even BEEN?).

I cannot accept that. Although I'm still trying to get things straight in my life, and I accept that I'll never be a world-touring, international groupie-banging rock star, expect to hear a barrage of new music in the very near future.

I've been learning much... and the more I learn, the more I'm humbled. Ladies, never forget that it's fucking hard being a man.

Let me just say I'm grateful like a motherfucker for all of you who are my true motherfucking, goddamn, bloody friends.

May you drink lots of beer and God bless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0HtTReGt08

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJCkHu3trKc

You've heard all the fuss about Rosie O'Donnel saying "ching chong" on TV and all the angry ass Asians.

Everybody keeps saying... "ching chong is the equivalent of the 'N' word... ching chong is the equivalent of the 'N' word..."

Dude, why don't we all just come out and fucking say it?

NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER.

We're all ignorant. And we're all a little bit too sensitive.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't wish I could kill you.

(I found this in some random girl's xanga... Haha, who's laughing NOW, motherfuckers???)

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Few days ago i went to go watch Rocky Balboa and throughout the whole movie i could not help myself but scream, "oh my gosh, he is so hot" due to Sylvester Stallone's hotness. For those who do not know, i am a big fan of Sylvester Stallone. i don't know how he is in real life but i sure do love his character in Rocky. not only do i think he is hot, i am willing to marry him regardless of his age and the fact that he is married and probably has grandchildren.
Rocky Balboa was the best movie i have ever seen this yr and im sure all of those who watch this movie will fall in love with Sylvester Stallone. Dude, he is so freaking hot. eversince i saw the movie i cannot help myself but think about his hotness and i really really really want to marry him.

aimeeways, yesterday i was writing a list abt qualities my ideal man should have and this is waht i got.

1)Taller than meeh with heels (i used to like really tall guys since my dad is 6'3" but turns out they have their downsides. my dad can't sleep in bed frames that have both a headboard and a toeboard cus hes so tall. he can only sleep on matresses since both of his legs stick out.lol)

2) Very Buff & Athletic

3) Funny, Smart; Intelligent

4) Very Caring

5) Someone that many people look up to

6) Very Manly

7) Talkative only to me and not flirty

8) Doesn't care what others think abt him

9) Very protective

10) The Leader type

11) Very Respectful

12) Very Strong

13) Someone who can fight

and the list turns out to be ROCKY. dude, doesn't AIMEE BALBOA or AIMEE STALLONE sound so nice? now my life long dream has changed from "the world's favorite interior designer" to "the world's favorite interior designer who married Sylvester Stallone" and having lots of babies with him. teehee

I HEART YOU ROCKY

The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior's birthday yesterday...

Or should we call him "Michael?"

Or "Daddy?"

Or should we call him "Mr. Drunk Hooker Beater?"

Or should we call him "Mr. Just a Negro Pawn in a Communist Compaign?"

Man, I was shocked and didn't want to believe... although I don't profess to know completely, I've done the research with an open mind. That was the important part... people just don't want to believe. People just want to keep some things sacred, and they refuse to hear.

I was sad. And angry.

I guess we'll find out more in 2027.

I came across porn star Asia Carrera's website (not on purpose! for real!) and in her bio, it said that her idol is WARREN BUFFETT.

I thought that was f'ing awesome!

The pic above is her reading the Wall Street Journal. How freaking crazy is that? There were also lots of candid pics of porn stars looking bored at porno shoots. Way cool.

My phone call woke her, and the first thing she said to me with her weak, sleepy voice was, "It snowed here."

That's how I know she loves me.

Now, the awaited day has finally come. I am a little boy with chocolate in my hands. I am a king with a kingdom to share.

Saddam Hussein is dead.

No matter how evil anyone may believe him to have been, in his rule, there was order and predictability in his country. When the US removed him from power in Iraq, Iraqis no longer had water and electricity, there were people dying in the streets everyday, nobody was policing the thieves and the rapists... it was just chaos.

Predictability. The faith in believing that when I turn the knob on the faucet, water will come out... that when I flip a switch, there will be light... that I can walk down the street without fear of a bomb blowing up next to me... that there is food at the store... We take all these things for granted. Many in the world consider these things a dream.

I once saw some punk rock guy walking around wearing a shirt that read "Fuck the government."

All the things we take for granted... food, shelter, paved roads, traffic signals, the military, jobs, commerce... these things are all possible thanks to government. Saddam Hussein provided these for Iraq. The US government provides these for America.

But all men who have power will do whatever it takes to never lose it.

And all men with power will eventually plot to ruin and kill each other.

This is the fate of man.

The masses will always say, "Give us change! Give us change!" But they don't realize that the very thing they hated gave them security and predictability. They finally get the change they want, but now they realize their water's not running and the power's out and the store is out of food and their currency is suddenly worthless.

No nation and no leaders are without flaws and sins. But we shouldn't think of them as totally bad because of that.

Anyway, now I'm just fucking rambling. The news of Saddam Hussein's death sent a chill down my spine... it kind of reminded me of when Kim Il Song died... there was almost a panic and no one knew what to expect.

Man, whether it's Saddam Hussein or Bush or Halliburton or Sunnis or Shiites running Iraq, just let there be peace and predictability. That's all that matters, isn't it?

...

In other news, sorry, but my EP 3 release will be delayed to a later date.

Deadlines are not always met. But, in setting the deadline, I was no longer afraid.

I'm no longer afraid. I'll keep you all posted.

Thanks for your encouragement and understanding.

Still paying for my sins of yesteryear.

Karma police, I've given all I can, it's not enough
I've given all I can

But I'm still on the payroll.

This is what I get.

A surprise on the way, any day, any day
One healthy little giggling, dribbling baby boy...

A terrible day on Wall Street. Quite a painful sting. But I wouldn't mind another recession...

Oh, yeah. I have my very own stalker now... almost. Woopdie doo (how do you spell that?). I would go more into it, but I wanna go eat some fruit instead. Haha, why did I even mention it then...

So, Christmas is coming... and I have TWO things on my wish list. My girlfriend, and a shotgun.

Gimme gimme.

Sometimes, the smartest people are the dumbest of them all. Knowing only makes life harder sometimes.

"The more I see, the less I know, the more I'd like to let it go." -Red Hot Chili Peppers

Man, I've been making beats for about 15 years now. When I first started out, all I had was a 4-track MOD editor and my cassette deck. Back then, there was no Protools and all this computer shit like fools got today. I was just a kid with a dream. I found it fun to make my own music and believed deep down that I could make better beats than what I was listening to at the time.

I remember rapping for a class project in 6th grade with two White guys, and when our classmates asked where we got the beat, I said I made it, and they thought I was lying. I made a lot of tapes and gave them out throughout junior high. I was much more creative back then than I am now. People would say that I'll become the first "Asian rapper..."

I used to go through the ads in the music section of the Recycler every week at my parents' store. I had my eyes on a turntable set with the DJ Jazzy Jeff mixer. Later on, as I learned more, I had my eyes on a Trinity, then a Triton, then an MPC2000.

I kept making beats with MOD editors until I was about 18, when I ended up with a ridiculous amount of money that didn't belong to me. I went crazy buying about 10 g's worth of music gear. That was the beginning of a long ass downward spiral for me in terms of my music.

I always thought having all the gear I wanted was the answer. "If only I had that MPC... If only I had that keyboard," I always thought. Now I got it all, yet I haven't made shit to meet people's expectations. I became trapped... by God, by karma... whatever you want to call it. Life just would not let me make music.

When I was a kid, I thought I would be the next Dre, the next Premier. Then in these last few years, I was forced to pretty much give up on music. Definitely one of the hardest things to accept... I still haven't fully accepted it. It haunts me and makes me bitter.

I read this interview with Jimmy Iovine, the Interscope guy... I used to admire the crap out of this guy when Interscope was beginning to come up in the early 90's. Now, he's huge, and this was the first time I cared to read about him since then. It reminded me a lot about my passions and my dreams, and I became fucking sad about the shithole I've become stuck in.

Man, nowadays, when people talk about who's the musician out of my group of homies, they always talk about Paul. Now, I'm probably Paul's biggest fan, so don't get me wrong, but when I hear that, I think like, man, I've been doing this shit way before him, but they forgot about me. I mean, I have no one to blame but myself. It's crazy how fast life moves and how each and every day counts.

I've been learning much, and I've been humbled much. I feel like part of me has become that creative, passionate kid again, while my other half has become an old, wise man who can guide that young kid. I'm hungry, and I'm ready to give music a try again.

Shit, honestly, music is all I know how to do.

But you know, don't expect a hero's story from me. I'm not going to quit work and drop out and bet all I have on my musical aspirations. It's like, some people bet all they had on Google and ended up becoming filthy rich, and that's cool, but many, many more people bet all they had on some other joe schmo tech company and ended up with nothing. The smart investor keeps money in volatile stocks as well as stable bonds. Feel me?

What to expect from Philip Choi the musician in the days to come: third EP release, more beats, hopefully some recording/producer work, myspace, limited release CD's.

When I blog, I usually write a long thing and try to cut it down to a paragraph or two, cuz I know you all have short attention spans and/or no time to sit and read all my bull. I'll leave this one as is today, cuz it's more for me than it was for you. Thanks for listening though...

Some men kill to win.

At times, it's all too overwhelming. I just can't take it anymore.

The pressure. The pain. The bitterness. The loneliness.

I'm meant for better. Yet, everytime I take a look, I feel stuck while the world rushes by me.

And I still can't forget what you said.

I'm trying so hard, yet, it keeps getting harder. And these demons won't leave me.

I keep looking for an escape. So I drank heavily for a time.

But I was always forced back.

I don't want to come back.

I often think about the final escape.

Some little kid about 6 years old was asking me about a fish at work...

"Does this fish die?" he asked.

I replied, "Yes, of course, it dies. Everything in this world dies. You'll die, too."

Regarding my past entry about Daniel Rhee, Assi Market, and the illegal immigration issue in Southern California... Let me clarify that I don't SUPPORT Daniel Rhee.

Let me just say once again... the illegal immigration thing... it's simply a matter of basic economic principles. Supply and demand. There's more supply of illegal workers than there is demand for them, especially now that house prices have stopped going up. So these illegal workers are in no economic position to be demanding more of anything, be it money or rights, for their services. And on top of that, they are not American citizens, nor are they in the country legally.

I would say they should feel pretty fortunate with whatever little they can manage to get. It's more than they would have made in their home country.

You can argue that America's just using them... that they allow some in so we can use them for cheap labor and kick them out when we don't need or want them. In response to that, I say, hey, nobody told the illegal immigrants that they HAD to come here. No one's forcing them to come. If they think it's all so unfair, they have the simple choice of just plain not coming. Yet, they continue coming into California, Arizona, Texas, and wherever by the millions.

And speaking of supply, man, it's not just Latin America that's willing to come to America to work for cheap. If the Hispanics don't want the work, perhaps we should start looking towards China and India. They sure have a lot of hungry citizens. The illegal immigrant Hispanics simply don't have any leverage to be bargaining.

The problem that many of you have is that you're looking at the issue too much in terms of what's fair and not. Look, NOTHING is fair in this world. And there's no guarantees about anything. You get whatever little you can and be glad you got it. Since when did governments care about what's fair anyway? Governments are concerned with what works. It's not ideal, but hey, it works.

Stop throwing rocks at the system, cuz that's not going to stop it. Try to grab on and ride it as best as you can.

And finally, don't jump to the conclusion that because I say these things, that I hate illegal immigrants or look down on them. That isn't the case at all. A large portion of my customer base are illegal immigrant Hispanics, and I'm always very grateful to them for that. I've gotten to know many of them and their stories, and they're awesome people with an awesome culture. Put that on the record.

But we're talking about money, business, and politics here, and there's no apologies in that.

Oh, one last thing... yes, I know there are Koreans who work at Assi Market who have to deal with the same bullshit treatment by Mr. Rhee. I also understand that many of them are illegal immigrants themselves, so the same arguments apply.

If they want to quit, and they know how to fight, they're always welcome to join my band of robbers instead.

You just don't ever fucking get it.

You disgust me. And I hate myself for letting you back in.

I should have killed you long ago. Back when I actually had some fucking self respect.

What does it matter. I'm already fucking dead.

I will never. NEVER. NEVER FUCKING EVER be like you. Every single God damn day I'm proving that.

FUCK YOU. From the bottom of my black heart. FUCK YOU.

2006 - Year of Funerals, Weddings, and Communists

First of all, my prayers and condolences to the family and friends of Jang, who was fatally shot on Sunday.
This year, there was a rather unusually high number of deaths and weddings. I guess everything is a balance.

Anyways, I have a LOT to rant about.

Why are Californians SO stupid?

Not to beat the issue to death, but that Jang incident could have been prevented by one simple solution:



What? Is that too "intimidating" for you? Need something cuter?



Look. I'm not kidding. California has some of the strictest gun laws, yet its got some of the highest violent crime rates (per capita). Get a freakin clue. California needs to do what Texas, Florida, and Arizona did; fight fire with fire. If you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. DUH.

I've been asked about how "Christian" it is to own a firearm. Well, the answer can be found in
Luke 22:36 - "He said to them, 'But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.'"

Let's investigate the source of California's problem. The people elected the "practically communist" officials such as Diane Feinstein and Nancy Pelosi. But even beyond that, whose fault is it? MTV. That's right. MTV and all the other television stations targeting "idiots, druggies, wanna-be's". Now I'm not saying that anybody who watches MTV is an idiot. I sometimes watch MTV. I'm saying that MTV's TARGET demographic is the typical idiot.
I HATE their stupid "vote for your rights" campaign. You know what? If you don't know who or what you're voting for, DON'T VOTE. If you don't know what John Garamendi and Tom McClintock stand for, DON'T FRIGGIN VOTE. If you don't know the fiscal impact of all those "pretty sounding propositions", DON'T VOTE! I can't believe the results of this year's election. Do you KNOW the impact of this year's election? CA voted in favor of the most expensive propositions. Not only is the majority of the funding for these EXPENSIVE propositions ending up in the pockets of your Democrat politician and their friends.... CA cannot AFFORD it. Do you understand? Everytime a stupid Democrat proposes something, our debt AND taxes go higher. It's funny how "parental notification prior to the termination of a minor's pregnancy" was rejected. You know what else CA voted? California voted to allow governments to condemn, acquire, and/or even damage private property to promote other private projects. WTH??? IDIOTS. I swear. Guess what Los Angeles County Californians voted for this election? California JUST voted in favor of EXTENDING the term limits of dirty councilmembers. Democrats just won control over the House AND Senate. Expect to pay higher taxes while suffering from a poor economy. Also expect to see your local Democrat politician to be a LOT richer.

The United States prospered and flourished because of three main reasons: God, Firearms, Capitalism. It's funny how Democrats try to destroy these very elements.

Dirty Democrat politicians LOVE idiots. They urge everybody to vote. They KNOW you'll fall for their smear campaigns and commercials. They SOLD the common IDIOT on the idea of hating Bush. By the way, under George Bush:
1) Taxes have been cut
2) National revenue is at its highest
3) National poverty levels are at an all-time low
4) National home-ownership is at an all-time high
5) Economy is doing extremely well (wall street hitting record highs)

ALL OF THIS during a term of natural disasters, the 9/11 terrorist attack, and a war.
Yeah.... okay. He's such a terrible president right? Hah. Yeah okay. Don't vote

-Cranky


Like many, I have my doubts about President Bush, but everything you said about his achievements during presidency are TRUE. I have to admit the campaigns of the Democrats are very appealing... "Oh, think of the kids," they say... but yeah, there's often a different story behind those romantic calls for "social justice." Quite honestly, I don't know which way to go anymore, but I do know there is more real world practicality in Republican logic than Democrat, however cold and flawed it may be.

And regarding gun laws, people need to know that responsible, licensed gun owners are not the ones committing crimes. To disarm the people is to take away their freedom. Meanwhile, the criminals roam the streets strapped, angry, horny, and in need of drug money.

I'm going to post this on my website if you don't mind.

-Philip

Since I was 8 years old.

Last night, the time suddenly came. Murder was in my heart. But I thought of her.

The police came fairly quickly this time. I have no complaints.

I believe in murder. I believe in killing. It cleanses the world of its failures. I want to slit God's throat because he created this piece of shit world and these piece of shit fags like you.

I gave up everything trying to create some measure of peace. The peace that YOU were supposed to create. And you still want your fucking shit wiped. You're the most worthless fucking trash I know. I look at my veins and I want to rip myself apart because of you. I want to kill all Christians because of you. Fuck you. And fuck the god of faggot Israel that creates fags like you.

And you. You're supposed to be here. You're nothing to me now. I don't expect ANYTHING from you anymore. Do you understand how sad and unbelievable it should be for me to be saying that to you? Where have you been all this fucking time? Fuck your piece of shit church. Seriously, you're nothing to me now. You make me want to kill all Christians. Absolutely fucking worthless. You're nothing to me now. Nothing.

Fuck all of you. I live for my children alone. Seriously, fuck you.

.

Anything you ever say, all I will ever hear in my mind is that you should die.

EIGHT FUCKING YEARS OLD. Fuck you.

There's this girl who comes to my store... a really rare beauty. She should seriously be a supermodel or something. On top of that, she's always smiling and has the greatest personality. Anyone would find her to be greatly attractive, I'm sure.

But she has one lazy eye... and I could tell that she thinks she's ugly because of it. She never looks you in the eye and sometimes tries to hide her eye with her hair.

Despite everything she has going for her, she reduces herself to that one little thing.

I wish I could tell her she's beautiful.

Philip Choi - EP 3

coming 1/1/07

But you've all heard THAT before.....

May the Lord God strike their children with horrible disease and cause them to die in agony.

Then I will burn incense and bow before the Lord and give Him thanks, for He slays the wicked. Praise be to God!

And I will love you through simple and the struggle
But girl, you gotta understand the modern man must hustle.

-Atmosphere

A long time ago, my grandparents came to visit from Korea, and I remember being very annoyed that my grandfather couldn't pronounce my English name "right."

"Pilip?"

"PHILIP."

"Silip?"

"PHILIP!"

And while they were here, my grandmother would do the dishes, and as soon as she was done, I would go and put all the dishes she had just cleaned back in the sink, saying she didn't wash them right.

I also remember making fun of my great grandmother, saying she smelled bad or something. When she came near, my cousins and I would run away and say she stinks.

I don't understand people who say they have no regrets in life.

While taking all these science classes and learning about the human body, I got the sense that our body is in service to us. There's so many things that our body does to ensure that we remain healthy. It's almost as if our body is an entity in itself, whose sole purpose is to serve and protect us.

I drank a lot last night, and I noticed a small bruise near my ulnar artery today. I have a feeling it has something to do with my liver taking a beating from all that alcohol.

I feel guilty that I often abuse the body which tries so hard to protect me.

Cut the alcohol and drugs. Eat right. Exercise. Treat your body right.

It rained.

Past midnight, and I was driving home. As I was driving, I happened to pass by that place I knew so well. I once spent many hours there. That concrete prayer place under the neon temptation. We prayed and spoke with many, preached to many. I remember our first night there. It began with three, and I'm sure none of us knew what to expect. But we were young and bold. Passionate. We wanted to make history.

Pops, Rob, Warren, Stacie, the old manager and his friend Z, Burt, Dave, Danny, Keith, the storage place person who wanted us to shut up, LAPD, the dancers, the man across the street in the motel who told us we were hypocrites, the prostitutes, the people who threw things at us, all the drunk Hispanic men, the small church across the street and the young guy with the big hair, all the people who stopped to talk, all the people who said their pastor had sex with their girlfriend or wife, Shotgun, Smelly Sandro, crack smokers, the man who pulled a knife on me, the weird dancing water throwing man...

I have not forgotten you. I remember, and I weep, because... we failed you. God failed you. God betrayed you. Just as He betrayed me.

I kept driving.

Then immediately, to my left, I saw a cross in the distance. There it was, within my vision, as I kept driving for several blocks... glowing. That old, familiar symbol of seeming failure, divine victory.

Had it been there all along...

If you never had parents who got robbed, shot, tormented, and ridiculed every day by Black people while they were just working hard to make an honest living in a new country...

If your parents never lost everything they worked hard for because of the Riots...

If your parents never had to stand on the roof of their liquor store with guns to save their store from looters...

If your mother was never assaulted and scarred for life by some crazy, alcoholic Black bitch...

If you were never thrown into a trashcan as a kid by a grown Black man for no reason at all...

If you never had to constantly fight with Black bullies all throughout school...

If you never had to deal with Black guys trying to mess with you even in COLLEGE...

Then who the FUCK are you to tell me I'm wrong?
Who the FUCK are you to tell me those things never happened?

So, people in Los Angeles should know about this whole Assi Supermarket thing, about how Assi market employees (mostly illegal immigrant Hispanics) are pissed off and going on strikes, and there's all these activist groups supporting their cause and what not.

So Mr. Rhee mistreats his workers. He's probably an asshole. I don't doubt any of that. But why are you neglecting this simple fact... nobody ever forced anyone to work there. If they don't like the job, then get out. There's a hundred more border jumpers willing to take their place (I say "border jumpers" with no disrespect intended. "Border jumpers" is quite literally what they are.).

I, as a legal immigrant store owner, am mistreated and abused every single fucking day at my store. So what? Ain't nobody protesting and forming human chains for me.

Ain't nobody giving a fuck about our legal immigrant parents who worked hard and risked their lives everyday working in these nigger neighborhoods, trying to get their kids through a good college, all for what? For them to take sociology and become some fucking black power communist punk? Man, go preach that social change shit at Skid Row... they wouldn't give a fuck if you were Harriet Tubman, they would rape and kill you and sell your body for 5 bucks to buy a rock.

Man, I even got a dong seng doing the activist thing and protesting against Assi. It's cool though... I was just like that not too long ago... Mr. Power to the People...

But I've learned something as I've grown a little older... When you free the oppressed, they will become oppressors themselves.

Your existence insults me.

Thank you for everything. RIP.

The bottle, it knows my name
The bottle, it heals my pain
The bottle, it is my shame.

Imo an himaya
Nan pagdayeg
Itaas an kamot magsimba
Waray sugad sa imo

Gam hanan ka
Miragroso ka na Dios
Waray sugad sa imo


Domingo Gubrin.
Alex.

I have not forgotten you.

Man, Turtle was talking shit about my hair, saying it looks like pubes...

Up yours, hernia boy!!!

Ah, yes... elections are coming up. I love this time of the year, cuz gas always magically becomes cheaper.

I was watching some pigeons in the parking lot today. This woman dropped a piece of candy on the ground, and several pigeons came and started fighting for it. They all tried to chase each other away and eat it all by themself. The most dominant pigeon would peck and scare the other pigeons away, only until another more dominant pigeon would fly in and scare it away also.

Stupid birds, I thought. No matter how scary and dominant they are to each other, they're still nothing but stupid pigeons. And all they're fighting for is a stupid piece of leftover candy.

They reminded me of humans.

Don't leave.

You're never sorry. You never change.

The liquor, it helps me forget.

Open your eyes. Don't you see that the ones who complain of racism the most are actually the most oppressive racists themselves?

I'm talking about Blacks. I'm talking about Jews.

This Black guy comes to me and says, "Hey, let me ask you a question. I asked your mom already, but I need to ask someone who speaks English."

I wanted to stab this guy with a pencil. Let me tell you something for all you fucking niggers out there. Nobody understands what the fuck you're saying either. My mother's English is not the best in the world, but she speaks to a hundred people a day who have no fucking problem understanding what she's saying. Why don't YOU learn to speak English, you walking piece of shit? And stop calling Mexicans "the Spanish." They SPEAK Spanish, they're not THE Spanish. Read a fucking book.

Now... I really wanted to cut this faggot open. But guess what? I didn't. You know why? Cuz I'm a fucking whore. Yeah, that's right. A WHORE. I sell myself and I sell my beliefs and I sell my pride and dignity on a daily fucking basis. Why? Cuz I have to make a living. Cuz I need money. Cuz that's the measure of a man in this world. So I drown my fucking self and put on a smile in front of these God damn niggers everyday so I can make a buck.

This is the real fucking world.

Fuck you and your equality shit. Fuck your tolerance bullshit. You don't know the fucking meaning of TOLERANCE. Go ahead and send me your fucking Jew-inspired bullshit opinions. You have no idea how much people like me TOLERATE everyday.

Fucking pathetic.

Drank a gang of soju tonight, and now I'm sitting here listening to that fucking crazy ass Tripmaster Monk music.

Thinking. Remembering.

There's something about soju... it's not a very elegant drink. It has a very lonely and sad spirit. It's a drink that can have its times of fun when enjoyed among old friends, but I believe its flavor can only be truly appreciated by those who have heartache. I imagine corporate businessmen walking through the streets of Seoul, drunk and broken hearted... perhaps they lost their job tonight and are worried about being able to provide for their loving wife and children. I imagine a teenaged Koreatown gangster whose friend was stabbed to death at a pool hall tonight... perhaps he's torn between avenging his friend's death and the suffering of his mother who is sick with cancer.

Tonight, they are my brothers.

Death is so tempting. I think I know how you might feel. It's a feeling that's been familiar to me since my early adolescence. The difference is, when I was 14, I was too scared. Now, I'm grown, and I've not merely tasted life's bitter drink, it's been shoved down my throat and I'm drenched in it. I'm ready to die. It doesn't scare me anymore. God doesn't scare me anymore.

But earlier today, I saw a woman pushing a stroller with a baby boy in it. His little body was covered by a soft blanket, and he was peacefully sleeping... not knowing a thing about the world except that his mother was near.

For that child, I will live. And for the man and woman who once looked upon me with the same eyes as I looked upon that child, I will live.

Live life. Love life.

I was thinking about how a lot of Asians seem to look down on non-Asians who get tattoos of Chinese characters. It's true that most of these non-Asians simply don't understand the nature of the language or the culture, and the Chinese tattoo they proudly wear on their arm probably actually means something like "infected rectum." Yes, that deserves some ridicule.

But really, how well do we even understand our own culture? Non-Asians get Chinese tattoos to embody the sense of exoticism and mystery they relate to Asian cultures. But if we were truly honest with ourselves, most Asians get these Chinese tattoos for the exact same reason as our non-Asian counterparts, do we not? We may look at these Westerners with their "infected rectum" tattoo and think, "Man, they're taking what belongs to us," but really, does it belong to us?

How well do we understand our own culture? Although I don't doubt we embody many aspects of it, really, our culture here as Asian Americans is lowered Civics and Ktown clubs, not brush calligraphy and martial arts.

Anyway, for those who laugh at people with "infected rectum" tats, just take a look at these Japanese kids with English tats saying gibberish like "freedom is die dreaming to you." Haha, I guess the moral of this entry is live and let live.

They say a woman's hair is her glory. Likewise, a man's facial hair is said to be a man's crown of masculinity and beauty. I shaved mine off recently to appease the girlfriend. Now I'm a lion without a mane.

Come on, honey, don't you wanna cuddle up with this?

So, I was thinking what I'd do if I won the lotto... I mean, besides the obvious things like blow all my money on drugs, I think I'd like to fix up a nice '61-'64 Impala and buy a mountain of guns.

New Debtstock shit.





Get it now!

"Equality does not exist. A man is judged by his qualities, and no man is equal in qualities as the next one. One who is fit to lead should be leader. One who is fit to plow the fields should plow the fields.

"Cowards long for equality because it masks their own inadequacies. They are allowed to roam free, despite their worthlessness. Why? Because all people are 'made equal'. Christian nonsense."

-anonymous


Christian nonsense? Don't you mean, Jewish nonsense?

Hodori.

We fucking love you.

There is none other whose death would satisfy me more.

Thank you so much for this gift... but please do tell me, why is it broken?

I see him walking up and down Woodley every night at about the same time. He still has that big ol' backpack on. I wonder when was the last time he had a meal.

We were together when we first met him. We were going to Popeye's after church or something. I hear he's going to become a pastor or something now.

I wonder if he even remembers his name.

My family was eating watermelons after dinner, and someone knocks at the door.

"Who is it?"

"It's the police!"

I checked, and it actually was the police.

In the following split second, a bunch of thoughts raced through my mind... "Oh, shit, I gotta get outta here! / Oh, shit, one of the homies got busted! / Oh, shit, someone died! / Oh, shit, oh, shit!"

"What do you want?"

"Your neighbor just got robbed. We need to ask you some questions."

My neighbors had just been robbed like 30 minutes prior. Basically, I think they followed my neighbor home from the casino knowing he had a grip of cash, they knocked on the door pretending to be from next door (us), and when the door was opened for them just a little, they busted in, put guns in their faces and fucked up their house. I think they ended up stealing like $90. Fucking $90.

My neighbors are a nice, elderly couple... about 80 years old. It's FUCKED UP they had to go through that.

Crazy thing is, the husband was in bed when it happened, and when they put a gun to his head asking for the money, he said, "Go ahead and kill me!" Haha, crazy ass Armenian.

I respect him for being so crazy, but actually, it's also sad that he said that.

Anyway, this all happened like 2 hours ago. The cops are still out there. Looks like everything is okay for now. But what I want to know is, where were the cops when MY house was going to get broken into?

Guess what ethnicity the robbers were. Guess what ethnicity the person trying to come into my house was. Take a wild guess.

In physiology, we learned that people consider things to be "dirty" only because of disease... that's the one and only reason. For example, we consider shit to be dirty because it hosts harmful bacteria, and we consider assholes to be dirty cuz that's where shit comes from. Shit, in and of itself, is just organic material that our body happens not to use... there's nothing dirty about it aside from disease. And assholes are a part of our body... apart from shit, there's nothing dirty about assholes in and of themselves either.

If shit didn't have the potential to cause disease, we could touch it, smear it all over our face, eat it, whatever... no problem, cuz there's nothing dirty about it if it don't cause no god dang disease.

This gets me thinking about sex. Our society looks down on sex outside the confines of marriage, and even within marriage, it's supposed to be on the hush. (You can argue that sex is everywhere now, but that's simply a result of our society's deviance from its traditional values... which is beyond this discussion...) You're called a slut if you have sex with a thousand people. What's so wrong and immoral about sex? Ah! Disease!

There's nothing wrong or dirty about sex in and of itself. It's just an erect penis in a vagina (or, variations upon the theme in some cases). If disease transmission wasn't a possibility, sex is just sex and there shouldn't be anything wrong about it between consenting people. (I suppose pregnancy could be a reason, but I'll leave that out to make this blog a little simpler.)

So, that gets me thinking about pornography. Why is pornography wrong? Oh, yes, because of sex, which is wrong because of disease.

But actually, what IS pornography anyway? Is a picture of a naked person necessarily porn? Why not art? So what if it gives you a boner when you look at it... art could arouse, no? Even if it is porn, so what? What's wrong with porn! Oh, yeah, sex, disease. But porn don't cause no disease!

Porn, art... blah blah... Why do we put labels on everything and categorize everything? What's really the inherent difference between this and that? Why is this in a gallery while this is smut?

You know when you hold in your farts all day and your stomach begins to swell... that's kinda like what this blog is sometimes... mental farting. My head fills with random ramblings, and I gotta let it out sometimes...

To those whose blood fills my veins... I'm sorry you had to suffer and lose so much, and continue to do so even today. I hated you, and I'm sorry for that. It hurts so much to know that I could have made you more comfortable today had I made some different choices in the past. I could go on and on about why I hated you so much, but I won't... I just want to move on. I can't even begin to imagine the heartache you endured through the years... And it's frustrating to see the way we are today. I will save this family. Thank you for everything.

To her whose love fills my heart... I often find myself feeling very sorry and embarrassed. I'm sorry that I haven't yet given you the peace of mind that a man is supposed to give. It pains me deeply to think that if I had just made a few different choices in my past, that I could already have become the man I'm supposed to be for you. I don't deserve your love, but I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure you'll always be safe and secure in my arms, because you're my woman. I will always protect you.

This mountain is so high and I often don't want to go on... but I think I can almost see the top... I think I'm almost there.

Don't die.

Me, racist? And Black people aren't racist?

Look, I only call it like I see it... you think those were respectable, law abiding Black people with jobs going out there looting and burning stores in broad daylight? There's plenty of respectable, responsible Black people who have jobs out there, and they were NOT looting during the riots.

What I want to know is... why do the sociologists act as if Black people are so blameless?

Oh, that's right... I know why... the same reason why the NAACP was founded by a Jew.

It hurts so much to be without you...

I'm waiting... Everyday, I'm waiting...

True story.

She was Korean, and he was Japanese. They were deeply in love and they wanted to be married. But his parents were against the marriage, as were hers. Her parents, being proud Koreans, said they'd absolutely never allow their daughter to marry a Japanese man, and his parents, being proud Japanese, would never allow their son to marry a Korean.

But his parents, seeing how deeply the two were in love, decided to give in. They would allow their son to marry the Korean woman.

However, her parents were still opposed.

So his mother and father put on their finest clothes and both came to visit her parents in their rural Korean village one day, and they got on their knees before them, begging them to accept their son and allow him to marry their daughter.

Even the grandest of tigers will bow before the dogs for the sake of its children.

What's in your FBI file, Martin Luther King, and why are the liberals preventing the people from seeing what is in it?

Will we know the truth in 2027?

I contradict myself as much as it's human to do so.

And I don't have all the answers.

Yes, I hate Black people. Does that make me a bad person? I don't hate them cuz I want to hate them. What kind of sad person actually WANTS to hate people? No, I hate Black people because Black people have given me reasons to hate them throughout the years of my life.

Want to know what my reasons are? Ask any non-Black person out there, and I guarantee many of them will tell you some good reasons, cuz I ain't the only one...

And yes, I know that not all Black people are that way... there are actually quite a few Black people who I respect and admire or at least enjoy the company of. But on a general level, I consistently find Black people to be the most rude, immature, obnoxious, self-centered, unreasonable, violent, racist people I come in contact with.

Is it my fault I find them to be that way? Hey, I call it like I see it. And surely, they must have their reasons for being that way, be it social, historical, or biological, but that doesn't change the fact that they do what they do and did what they done did.

I'm sick of hearing about the '92 LA Riots as if Black people were the victims. "Oh, those poor, poor Black people, burning all those buildings and stealing things that don't belong to them. Those poor Black people." Plain bullshit, feel me?

I'm sick of seeing people automatically demonized for saying anything remotely critical of the Black community. I'm sick of seeing people feel physically threatened for saying anything.

That's why I've been saying all this shit about Black people lately... cuz it must be said. I'm just trying to open up dialogue. We need to be honest about our feelings and we shouldn't have to feel guilty or threatened for them.

We share this world. What can we do? Let's try to make it work.

Hear us out, Black people... cuz you were wrong, too.

I want to love Black people.

I do love Black people.

I contradict myself as much as it's human to do so.

And I don't have all the answers.

(excerpts from "From a Black Man Who Thinks")

"I also didn't say blacks commit more crimes overall. That is the usual misunderstanding that people who don't pay close attention to what they are reading fall into when someone mentions a crime rate. I said a higher crime rate. Statistics indicate that, based on the number of crimes committed per 1000 of the population, a black person is about 4-5 times as likely to commit a crime as a white person is. What that does mean is that if there was as many blacks as there are whites in this country, and the RATE of crime remained the same, there would be 4-5 times as many crimes committed by blacks as by whites, and about 3 times as much crime overall. We should be ashamed of this."

"Yes, I know that a lot of the crime is because many black people are poor, and some of that is due to white racism. But the worst of that ended 40 years ago. Frankly, these days a lot more of it is due to our people who are in families which are in some cases now entering the third generation where none of them has ever held a job. It's due to ridiculously high drop out rates. Did you know that across the country, the majority of our black kids don't finish high school? How are white people to blame for that? How are they to blame for the rate of illegitimate births in the black community as a whole being close to 70%? Is there a white person there forcing a 12-year-old black girl to have unprotected sex with her 15-year-old black boyfriend?"

"I am, again, not saying there is not racism. But these days, with legal recourse in the event of discrimination, with affimative action programs in place to ensure that minorities are equally represented, with, quite often, preferential treatment for blacks in college scholarships and admissions (for instance, I'm not aware of any United Caucasian College Fund), and so on and so on ... what's holding us back is ourselves."

"When a black person succeeds in white society and we yell "Uncle Tom" and when we spend more time worrying about what some ass like William Bennett says about us than about our kids being promiscuous, violent, drug-abusing, uneducated thugs, we are shooting ourselves in the foot. I am not saying we haven't been badly treated in the past. But at least in this country, right now, we have a better chance to change that than anywhere else in the world, and in some cases (like college scholarships admissions) the deck is actually stacked in our favor. And what are many blacks doing? Mocking other blacks who actually use the system to get ahead."

"As for your 'blacks are oppressed the world over' - again, not so any more. These days, the oppression against blacks in Africa, for instance, is by other blacks. Whites don't govern those countries any more. And in Jamaica and the West Indies, home to largely successful and prosperous black societies that made the transition from being white-owned slaves, treated worse in some cases than in this country, without any of the help American black people have had, they look down on us American blacks and call us "cotton pickers". Their attitude is that we have more opportunity than any other black people on the planet, and we still sit on our lazy asses and point the finger at whitey for all our problems."

"And you know what? In way too many cases, they are right. It embarrasses me as a black man that a lot of our culture glorifies crime, violence, stupidity and misogyny. It embarrasses me when those black people who refuse to speak English properly (again, something blacks in other countries don't do - you can't tell an English black from an English white by sound, for instance) stand up and yell about how other people have to change to suit us. ("Ebonics"? Was there ever a more stupid idea?) They sound like ignorant morons, frankly, and they make those of us who can speak the language and worked hard to get where we are look just as bad because we happen to share a skin color."

"Too many black people demand that white people respect black American culture when right now we aren't offering them much to respect compared to the problems we create. Until that changes - and only we can change it - we can't expect an end to racism in this country."

-anonymous

She had a cancer that was in its advanced stages and was given only a month left to live.

When he found out of her condition, he wept and prayed, "God, please don't let her die! Take my life instead of hers!"

It was a miracle. A month had passed and her cancer growth had reversed. She was completely healed and had not a single trace of cancer left in her body.

But in a few days, he became very ill, and he was diagnosed with the exact same cancer, spread throughout the same organs. It was unthinkable that someone could develop a cancer so fast. It was impossible to treat, and he was to die within the next few weeks.

He went away to someplace quiet to live the remaining days of his life. She came and found him there, and cried...

"Why did you pray that prayer? Why? I don't want you to die for me! Let it be me instead!" she said.

He replied, "Don't you see? God's given you the greatest gift... He's given you life again. But He's given me a wonderful gift as well... For the first time in my life, I'm living life to the fullest and enjoying every breath I breathe."

He died in a few weeks.


Every tree, every bird that sings, every single blade of grass that grows in the cracks... they are all beautiful.

I miss you.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm raising fucking children. It would all be better if you were dead. Better yet, if I was dead...

I love you.

During the World Cup coverage on the Korean news broadcast, they showed shots of women weeping and praying for the Korean team when they were down 2-0 against Switzerland.

I found it funny that in a world where children starve and wars never end, they were praying so wholeheartedly for some guys to kick a ball into a net. Don't get me wrong though, I was praying for them also...

A funny people we are.

Nevertheless... Korea #1 in 2010. Be the Reds.

She, the oldest of six children, quit school so she can work in a factory and help her struggling parents feed the family with the little money she made. Her brothers and sisters went to school and eventually became very prosperous, while she never finished her education and was never able to marry with her aging face and weathered hands.

Not a single one of her siblings ever thanked her. They barely ever even speak to her anymore.

In recent years, I've been realizing and admitting that I'm starting to mirror a lot of the qualities I hate about my parents. I'm not talking about just annoying or bothersome qualities, but actual bad qualities that prevent the best from happening to people. Qualities that must be overcome in my bloodline. Interesting thing is, these are all the same qualities that my parents hated about their parents. But since I've caught myself at a young age, I feel I can do something about it.

I will father a new age for my bloodline.

The cool thing for young Korean girls to do nowadays with this whole soccer craze is for them to wear the South Korean flag as a tube top or skirt or something. It's interesting though, cuz most elders look down on that. Even in the days when I was still living in Korea as a kid (which wasn't long ago), you'd probably get arrested for treating the flag that way.

I know the new generation is just showing their love and excitement for Korea in their own way, but it's kinda like powdering your nose with your dead grandmother's ashes, or painting the face of Jesus on a urinal. Feel me?

I personally think it's kinda sexy and cool, but respectful?

Let's be honest here... you DON'T want things to change. It's not really about social justice or racism or this or that. You want attention. You want to be the bad boy rebel who fights the system cuz that's the image that appeals to you... cuz that's "underground." You're more MTV than you think.

Pull your pants up.

I saw some punk/emo guy wearing a shirt that read "Fuck the government." He looked as if he was so proud to make such a bold statement.

I wanted to ask him, since he hates the government so much, what he is doing about it. What are you doing to help make anything better?

Sitting around smoking weed all day, listening to obnoxious music, ripping up your jeans? That's making the world a better place, right?

This also goes for any other whiny "art" form/subculture... like HIP HOP. You coffee shop fuckers also.

"It takes more than doo rags to get your way." -Kanye West

Think about that...

I hate the fact that "progressive thinking" and "opening your mind" most definitely means liberalism. Liberalism tends to be as narrow minded as liberals believe conservatism is.

The same people crying for free speech ban the publishing of "Did Six Million Really Die?" and won't allow the public to view Martin Luther King's FBI file.

We're all going to hell.

http://www.andrewyoon.com/photography/tattoos/

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love

But I can't help but thinking
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run.
-Radiohead

She assumes unproud poses. She's naked. Vulnerable.
A jumbled mess of digital messages scarred on her body.
The messages are taking over her.
The falling leaves tell of lifelessness. All that was natural is now lost. Dead.
Soul lost.

Cut and whipped.
Red, crimson streaks across her back and neck.
Tells the tale of how they treat her.

Andrew has brilliantly captured what could be the story of woman in modern society, of the millions of messages they are given daily through various media that ultimately become their entire identity, covering up the last traces of anything natural and real. The aesthetic result of the girl's digitalization is so beautiful, so ethereal, surreal... yet, so cold... almost scary.

A mourning? Warning?


If I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time
All the time.

I'm not out to prove that Black people are inferior... I don't want them to be inferior... but if I find evidence supporting that fact, what can I do?

to be continued...

"Well, White people commit crimes, too!"

Yes, they do. But the FBI also counts most Hispanics as White. That certainly merits additional consideration when you see statistics regarding White people committing crime.

Anyway, it is a fact that White people (+ Hispanics) commit more crimes than Black people. That's expected considering there's much more Whites than Blacks in this country. The problem is that Black people commit crime at a higher rate, meaning there's more crime per 1000 Black people than there is crime per 1000 White people.

Regarding hate crime by Whites against Blacks... it's a fact that Black people commit more hate crimes against White people than the other way around. So who's the victim now?

In all fairness though, crime statistics are based on how many people were arrested. We can't forget the claim that the System conspires against Black people and that that's the reason for the high rate of arrests.

And still, when I, Joe Schmo average, reasonable, rational, educated American citizen, am out late at night, I'm not looking out for conspirators or the media or anybody like that... I'm looking out for Black people.

to be continued.

I speak to you as a community.

Black people, I know you're all very aware of the way you are perceived by the other race peoples with whom you share your communities. Well, instead of saying they're all racist for thinking of you the way they do, look at yourselves first. Look towards the members of your own race who are making a bad name for all of you. "Just a few rotten apples," you may say... but I can hardly call nearly 1 in every 2 "a few." Sure, you can give all your historical, sociological, and economic reasons, but that doesn't discount the fact that you do what you do and did what you done did.

You should be ashamed.

Even Jesse Jackson shamefully admitted once that while walking down a Chicago street late at night, there were two young men behind him, and he was relieved to find they were White and not Black.

Look, we all know that Black people are not all like that. We're not dumb. But let's face it... when I'm walking down the street or getting money from the ATM, I'm not looking out for a bunch of White guys... From all the Korean store owners I know, I've never once heard of a White man robbing them, and very rarely heard of a Hispanic man robbing them. All the stories you hear are of Black people. It's because of Black people that all these liquor stores have to pack heat. It's Black people that steal drinks and bags of potato chips from stores. You complain that Korean people are always watching you in the store? How about you stop stealing? They wouldn't watch you if you didn't steal.

And yes, we all know that White people rob stores and commit crimes also. But unfortunately, in all my experience and in all our mothers' and fathers' experiences, that's the reality that we know... that Black people commit more crime. We only know what we see and hear.

If you're not satisfied with the way we perceive you, then show us otherwise. Nobody wants to be scared of you or hate you, believe me.

"We are all active participants in every context which includes us."

to be continued...

Racist.

It's funny how a word's meaning can change over time. In today's world, a racist is a horrible, unthinkably despicable person who hates Black people just because they're Black. Hitler's definition of a racist was one who acknowledges the biology and distinguishing characteristics of the races.

Hitler didn't hate Jews "just cuz" like American propaganda seems to want us to believe.

People are hated for a reason. Stereotypes exist because they are true more often than they are not. Remember this.

No, Hitler did not wake up one morning and decide to hate Jews and was able to persuade a whole nation of reasonable people to hate them also. Ethnic Germans had reasons to hate the Jews. You can debate if their reasons were morally wrong or right, but their reasons and feelings were valid nevertheless.

Yes. I hate Black people. Many people reading this now are instantly disgusted by me and have stopped reading "this racist filth." Now I'll be labeled intolerant and ignorant. Prejudiced. A racist KKK moron.

First of all, what a dumb fucking word, tolerance. They preach that shit in schools and on television like it's a good thing... "Tolerance, tolerance..." Consider what tolerance means. It's a sad thing. When I think of tolerance, I think of hating someone's fucking guts but holding it inside only because I have to... that's tolerance. Instead, what about love, respect, understanding???

Ignorance. I hate Black people because I'm ignorant, right? No. I hate Black people because I DON'T ignore. Because I DON'T kid myself. Think deeply about what I just said.

Prejudice. "Prejudice is bad, prejudice is bad." Man, prejudice will save your fucking life. If a woman comes across a group of Black men in oversized clothes on the street, she's the bad person for holding her purse more tightly and being a little scared? I don't give a fuck if they were on their way to bible study or to feed the homeless. Why gamble safety for some "let's love everybody it's not their fault" hippie ideal?

I wanted to write one final "blog to end all blogs" about my thoughts on race conflict. But as I struggle to compose my thoughts here, it becomes increasingly obvious to me that this is way too complex a topic to get it all down in one shot. To be continued...

I want to die.

Oh Oh Oh To Touch And Feel Virgin Girl's Vagina So Hot!

CN I, CN II, CN III, CN IV, CN V, CN VI, CN VII, CN VIII, CN IX, CN X, CN XI, CN XII

Some say Mary may but Mary's brother says better beware Mary's mother.

Sensory, sensory, motor, motor, both, motor, both, sensory, both, both, motor, motor.

My mother says people complain about social matters only when their stomachs are full.

Those kids dying of starvation around the world... they don't care who... democracies, communists, terrorists... they just want to eat.

At least we eat. Don't forget that.

...except on BET, the Vibe Awards, Source Awards, NBA, welfare recipiency, etc etc etc!

"I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day."

-Red Hot Chili Peppers

Black people are always talking about "the Black and the Brown have to stick together," "we share the same struggle," and so on... but hey, when the Hispanics were talking about immigration and they had the big march on May 1, I didn't see no Jesse Jackson. I didn't see Louis Farrakhan or Magic Johnson. I didn't see NAACP.

I even saw Koreans there, but not a single Black person did I see.

Think.

They say they are fighting for the rights of immigrants. One person even pointed out that governor Schwarzeneggar was an immigrant. Yes, he was an immigrant, but not an illegal immigrant. Why are people ignoring that distinction? The problem that many Americans have is not with immigration, but illegal immigration.

A lot of people kept saying that illegal immigrants should be free to come to America as they wish and be given the full rights of any other American citizen. That just goes to show how poorly informed these people are. It's very unfortunate. Yes, that would be ideal, but in reality, it just isn't reasonable. Think of the economic, political, and security consequences. But really, they need to realize that the very thing that they are fighting for could undermine them even further. If the American borders were totally open for anyone to come and go as they please, Mexicans and other Hispanics would be nothing. It would be people from China and India that would come and rule the voting polls and rule the nation!

Economically, I think the result of more rights for illegal immigrants will be that they will get increasingly more expensive to host in this country and their wages will obviously go up... Employers will stop hiring them, and they will find themselves realizing that there's no point in coming to America anymore. They will leave.

This whole fight defeats the whole idea of capitalism. If they don't like what little they are given in America, then don't come. There was an old man washing dishes at a restaurant on the day of the big Wilshire march, and he was asked why he's not there. He said, "I gotta work, man."

That was such a deep thing he said. It shows what illegal immigrants come here for in the first place. They don't come for political or religious freedom... their decision to sneak into the country was purely to make money, to feed the kids, to send money back home. There is no such thing as "should be" in economics, only "get what you can while you still can." This country was founded on the economic theory of supply and demand... for people who came into this country illegally to demand more rights defeats the whole purpose of the country they wish to become a part of, and defeats the whole purpose of why people hire them in the first place.

For every 1 illegal immigrant in America demanding more rights, there are 50 more where they came from who will work for less.

Whether what you want is right or wrong, you can have your way. Start a nuclear missile program, take pictures of a politician sleeping with whores, skip a day of work and march with a million other Mexicans down Wilshire. It's blackmail... one of the most valuable currencies known to man.

There's no doubt that illegal immigrants are a necessary part of today's economy. The humane thing to do would be to give them a proper place in this country. But, the sad truth is that nations and economies are not built on humanity. What can be done about it?

It was an impressive sight we saw on Wilshire that day, and all the other marches around the greater LA area, and the student walk-outs. Much respect. With the students, it was especially impressive to see young people care about anything at all.

You say life is a battlefield, and you have given me the arms. You say I have to fight and keep moving on.

This is your battlefield. My life you are asking for.

Yes, I will fight your war. And I will emerge the victorious champion.

I am the immortal motherfucking Philip Choi.

When he was a little kid, his mother would sometimes send him to the store at night to buy something. He was scared, so he would run as fast as he could though the dark streets. He never once complained, and his mother had no idea how scared he was.

I cried so bitterly when I heard this story for the first time.

I hated him so much. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Your mother and father weren't the best parents, but they sacrificed so much to love you as best as they knew how. Would you creep up behind them and slit their throats to save the world?

Why did you do that?

You've no idea how much I fucking hate this world. Life is a worthless, pitiful, bullshit tragedy. Our lives are meaningless no matter what any bullshit faith wants you to believe. We eat, sleep, shit, and die. And that's it. It's over. We try to matter by believing in something, by making something, by falling in love... but all those things end. It's all meaningless. Slaves cry for freedom and justice, then when they finally got it, they turn around and enslave others. The poor point their fingers at the rich, but when the poor someday become rich, they will turn their heads and ignore the hungry man as they walk past him. Mothers and fathers drop their dreams in exchange for working their whole lives to feed their unworthy kids a few grains of rice before the fucking Jews and Persians take it all for themselves. Our mothers and fathers say they want the best for us but are constantly fighting, making us hate our homes. When we have our own families, we won't be any different no matter what we might want to believe. Nothing will change. We won't struggle any less. Nations will never stop kill each others' sons. Kids will never stop killing each other in the streets. We hope to gain respect and love in our lifetimes, but not a single motherfucker will remember you or anything about you when you die. You will not have ever even existed. All that you have built will crumble. Your pretty face will wrinkle and eventually turn to dust. You cannot escape the realities of the world which has been made for us. Created for love, you say? It's all meaningless. Fucking worthless. All human beings need to die.

I spit at the fucking idiot who created this world.

I hate this horrible world. If only I had the chance to kill you all.

DIE
DIE
DIE
DIE
DIE
DIE
DIE
DIE

-Pantera

Stupid thing to say: English accent.

Whose language is it anyway?

I think it's unfair for people to dismiss "Ebonics" as an illegitimate language. "It's not proper English," they say. But one must remember that any language originates from the deviations from another language. Languages like Latin and Greek got distorted for many years until one day we had English, Spanish, German, etc. Chinese got distorted for many years until it became Corean and Zapanese. All it takes is people who talk deviantly to gain political power, then voila! You got yourself a formalized language.

It's important to remember that culture and language is constantly changing. It never stays still. What's considered proper language today was not just 100 or even 50 years ago. English in its early stages was nothing like the English we speak today.

My mother sometimes gets embarrassed when somebody doesn't understand her broken English. She jokes, "They must think I'm stupid." I tell her, "No, the one who can't make out what you're trying to say is stupid."

A long time ago, I wrote about how ironic it is that Black people are for affirmative action but against racial profiling. I think a lot of people didn't get that, so let me explain what I meant.

Affirmative action and racial profiling are essentially the same thing. They are both policies that deal with people mainly according to the statistics of their race.

Yes, it's a fact that Black people are under-represented in colleges and workplaces. So affirmative action will put them there.

Yes, it's a fact that Black people commit more crimes than other races. So racial profiling watches them more closely.

But, if you want to be treated according to statistics, you must accept treatment according to ALL statistics, not only those by which you will benefit. Not to mention that with affirmative action, more qualified applicants will be denied for no other reason than they're not Black, and with racial profiling, hard-working, law-abiding Black citizens will be harassed for no reason other than they're Black. But you already heard all that...


"I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." -Martin Luther King, Jr.


So what's it gonna be?

I remember after 9/11, there was all this talk on the news about racial profiling against Arabs, and many Black people were asked how they felt about it. They all said they were fine with it, that it should be done, that it would make them feel safer.

Ring a bell?

"Sorry, mom, but I have an important call on the other line. Bye."

*click*

Then my father said something of Don Corleone accord...

"There should never be a phone call more important than for a man to talk to his own mother."

In 2005, I met my father.

Everytime I wanna go get a fuckin brew
I gotta go down to the store with the two
oriental one-penny countin motherfuckers
that make a nigga mad enough to cause a little ruckus
Thinkin every brother in the world's out to take
So they watch every damn move that I make
They hope I don't pull out a gat and try to rob
they funky little store, but bitch, I got a job
("Look you little Chinese motherfucker
I ain't tryin to steal none of yo' shit, leave me alone!"
"Mother-fuck you!")
Yo yo, check it out
So don't follow me, up and down your market
Or your little chop suey ass'll be a target
of the nationwide boycott
Juice with the people, that's what the boy got
So pay respect to the black fist
or we'll burn your store, right down to a crisp
And then we'll see ya!
Cause you can't turn the ghetto - into Black Korea


Stupid thing is, Ice Cube is complaining about Koreans stereotyping Blacks, yet he himself is stereotyping Koreans. As far as I know, Ice Cube has never apologized for this song.

"Kill the white people; we gonna make them hurt; kill the white
people" -Apache, Apache Ain't Shit, 1993, Tommy Boy Music, Time Warner.


"Niggas in the church say: kill whitey all night long... the white man is the devil... the Crips and Bloods are soldiers, I'm recruiting with no dispute; drive-by shooting on this white genetic mutant... let's go and kill some rednecks... Menace Clan ain't afraid... I got the .380; the homies think I'm crazy 'cause I shot a white baby; I said; I said; I said: kill whitey all night long... a nigga dumping on your white ass; fuck this rap shit, nigga, I'm gonna blast... I beat a white boy to the motherfucking ground" -Menace Clan, Da Hood,
1995, Rap-A-Lot Records, Noo Trybe Records, The EMI Group.


"I kill a devil right now... I say kill whitey all nightey long... I stabbed a fucking Jew with a steeple... I would kill a cracker for nothing, just for the fuck of it... Menace Clan kill a cracker; jack 'em even quicker... catch that devil slipping; blow his fucking brains out" -Menace Clan, Da Hood, 1995, Rap-A-Lot Records, Noo Trybe Records, The EMI Group.


"To all my universal soldiers: stay at attention while I strategize an invasion; the mission be assassination, snipers hitting Caucasians with semi-automatic shots heard around the world; my plot is to control the globe and hold the world hostage... see, I got a war plan more deadlier than Hitler... lyrical specialist, underworld terrorist... keep the unity thick like mud... I pulling out gats , launching deadly attacks" -Killarmy, Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars, 1997, Wu-Tang Records, Priority Records, The EMI Group.


"Won't be satisfied until the devils-I see them all dead... cracker-shooting nightly" -Brand Nubian, Everything Is Everything, 1994, Elektra Entertainment, Warner Communications, Time Warner.


"I'm killing more crackers than Bosnia-Herzegovina, each and everyday... don't bust until you see the whites of his eyes, the whites of his skin..." -Ice Cube, Lethal Injection, 1993, Priority Records, The EMI Group.


"Subtract the devils that get smoked... we're people, black people; steal your mind back, don't die in their wilderness... let's point our heaters the other way" -Digable Planets, Blowout Comb, 1994, Pendulum Records, The EMI Group.


"Get them devil-made guns and leave them demons bleeding; give them back whips, and just feed them bullets" -Sunz of Man, One Million Strong: The Album, 1995,
Mergela Records, Prolific Records.


"He preys on old white ladies [who] drive the Mercedes with the windows cracked... you should've heard the bitch screaming... sticking guns in crackers' mouths..." -Menace Clan, Da Hood, 1995, Rap-A-Lot Records, Noo Trybe Records, Time Warner.


"It's open season on crackers, you know; the morgue will be full of
Caucasian John Doe's... I make the Riot shit look like a fairy tale... I'm killing them devils because they're not worthy to walk the earth with the original black man...and I won't rest until they're all dead" -Da Lench Mob, Planet of da Apes, 1994, Priority Records, The EMI Group.



These select examples aren't some weak underground acts that no one ever heard of. They were all popular in the hip hop scene, and some, in popular culture in general. They had gold+ records.

Black empowerment = BIGOTRY.

Think again.

A Black woman came to the store the other day and right away began yelling at my mother. She complained that her fish died. Upon examination of her aquarium water and the dead fish, it was obvious that the fish died because she didn't know shit about keeping an aquarium. We tried to explain to her all the science involved in keeping a fish... Do you think she understood? We tried